please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
