so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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