she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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