i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
