Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
