According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
