he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
