theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
