just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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