Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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