Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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