respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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