You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
