My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
