Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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