But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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