Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
