Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
