despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
