the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
