this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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