do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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