Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
