He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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