I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
