I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
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