so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
