I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
