why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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