Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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