You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize