i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i will never coherently bang her
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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