I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
