Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
