id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
