The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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