Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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