i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
handjob tips. give me some.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
