Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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