just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
