paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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