I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
