I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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