I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
