Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
