i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
