my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
