there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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