Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
