shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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