Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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