theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
