Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
