My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
