i barfeds in our rink
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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