I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
