Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
