ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
