Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she woke up with a sticky ear
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
