everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
