just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
