We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
