Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
