i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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