I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize