i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
