Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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