one might say we're banned from that church
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize