i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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