There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
