btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
