she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
