Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
