you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
