this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
