You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
