i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
