They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
