i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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